How to say Cancer
That big C word is in a class by itself, and each person has their own scary reaction to it. The  initial reaction to  my breast cancer diagnosis was especially devastating. I was shocked because my sister-in-law had been diagnosed a couple years ago It has been a rough ride for her, and all of us who love her, and now I had to wonder what my fate would be.
I was invited to discuss with the surgeon, all of the possible procedures, lumpectomy, mastectomy, and the reasons for each, and details of each procedure, etc. I will say that he was very thorough in his explanations, came across as a warm person who seemed to understand, and made me feel heard by answering all of my many questions. I hoped it was just the one spot and made plans with the surgeon for a lumpectomy followed by a round of radiation- side effect a less than perfect breast, but not too terribly inconvenient, good thing they found it early, etc. And, let's get it out Now!
He also suggested a bit more testing, an MRI to make sure of the precise location and to make sure there was only the one spot to remove. Good safety, I thought, very thorough and a great idea to have a better view to confirm the details. An appointment  was scheduled and I waited.
With the holidays near, I was able to quickly schedule the MRI and  I set up the surgery for December 23, because I want this over and Out. All during this time, I wondered how to tell my family, let alone friends that I have breast cancer, and don't really know much more. There is NO good time to do that, and because of all the good events happening, like thanksgiving, holiday parties, birthdays, you know- happy things, I had a harder time bringing up the topic- I mean there is No good time, and no easy way for anyone to share that news. Meanwhile I also had to think how to tell my mom that I'm probably not going to be helping out on Christmas Eve, and how do I start that conversation? Oh the turmoil I experienced, and most of all, how to tell my husband, because I hadn't let him know either.  I just wanted it to be over and done and keep things normal with cancer as my own private thing. How could  I explain that I don't wish to share this info really with anyone, because I don't really know anything? And how can I say that nicely without having the whole cancer conversation? Each person has a different experience with this disease, and mine is not exactly like your Whoever!

(Deep breath..... And exhale)

I had those emotional conversations, dealt with everyone's reactions and gained the much needed support from family that I had been lacking.  I also gathered as much information as I could from the internet. Knowledge is power!
So I now waited for the MRI appointment, then waited for the results. And all along I had this sort of secret appointment for Dec 23rd. A couple more spots found in the breast with the MRI and that sentinel lymph node looked suspicious, I was scheduled to biopsy all those and see if they too were  invasive carcinoma. The women who were involved in both biopsy procedures were amazing, offered compassion and they were great, caring individuals who did everything they could to ease my burden. They gave me some secret strength to move me forward in the process.  I waited another few days after the biopsy for the results.
Test results came back and the surgeon called me at home on the 22nd to tell me that the other tested spots in the breast were also cancer, but smaller. And the complication was that at least one lymph node was involved as it also came back as cancer. The new recommendation was a mastectomy with removal of the lymph nodes in the area where the tested one was located. Sounds appalling, but remember there is not much choice, and we had a thorough discussion about the whole process, including the ability to wait and have reconstruction at the same time. He also wanted me to consult with an oncologist to determine the new plan. Great, another wait, and that surgery date cancelled.