While I wait for my friend to visit again

Wow a lot has been going on and as I learn more about how my body responds to all of the uproar that is chemo, I am thankful for my friends and family. My mom generally stays on Friday nights and we do our grocery shopping and cooking / food prep and occasionally get to do something fun. This week Friday was hard on my body, and my dear mom took all my comments and frustration in stride. In other words I wasn't so much fun. She is  making things so much easier during my inconvenient recovery delays. Hard to believe there is anything that can take this kind of toll on the body. And the worst is that it can be something I eat, forgetting a part of my medication routine, or just overdoing things that can  cause me to have to have a little time out. Once the bland eating, rest induced routine is reestablished, I feel better- So boring!
On another note, my silly husband has shaved his head in my honor! Yes after some teary time, I am done with the hair loss and my husband and I should be sporting some very short cuts this fall for our 10th anniversary! Well That will make it special, as will the fact that we can be together thanks to the miracles of science. It is so amazing all the modern miracles that still occur in the cancer world- I mean the survival statistics are impressive with the types of treatments/medicines/surgeries that continue to keep me looking forward to the future.
I'm so glad I had a chance to get you caught up on some of my thoughts, and thank you for reading this and following along.
I'll have another treatment on Thursday so I'll talk to you later!

Cruising on my Happy Ship

Today I woke up in the loving arms of my husband Peter, for which I cannot express my level of gratitude. He continues to be wonderfully supportive as I go through all of the ups and downs that are involved in my treatment cycles. I am amazed at how well he anticipates when I need just a little more attention or a kind gesture, and provides more than I could ask. Thank you honey !
Today I have another treatment that I have for some reason been sort extra anxious about. So as I wait for them to call me I started to wonder- Why can't I sleep late, even on days off (groan)? My mind starts at about 5:30 every day, and though usually it is filled with organizing my day, mentally selecting my attire, etc., lately it seems to have been geared towards woe -is me-like thoughts- oh I'm Not listening to that in my head! Instead, I get up and take the dog out and greet the day ! Much better! Funny how the morning light can give one a fresh perspective on the day, and I'm learning that a bit of exercise ( thank you Rex) can shift my mood into one of enthusiasm and a can-do attitude!
I talked with a super sweet lady in the waiting room, just now. I struck up a conversation with her after complimenting her on the vibrancy of her tank top.  I'm in the oncology department so we all have that in common here. She had such a warmth to her and turned out our parents were similar ages, shared some "stuff" about our types and stages and give each other a bit of umpfh to make it through our treatments!  How rewarding to remember to share a kind word or two with someone else. How nice to make a new friend who is in the same boat- and this ain't no cruise ship! And yet, like when we travel we meet people and carry on sometimes meaningful conversations, it is a bit like a cruise ship. I wait to board the ship, am greeted by wonderfully enthusiastic people, am offered a selection of amenities to make my stay pleasant, "fed" more than I care to consume, and sent home with a few trinkets, and some memories! Oh I'm gonna do a selfie! Cause we gotta!

Whew, High on life now that I've written to all of you! Thanks for stopping by to listen, and Next time you are feeling anxious or a little down, I hope you hop on board my happy ship, and gain a new perspective for the day!

Whew, High on life now that I've written to all of you! Thanks for stopping by to listen, and Next time you are feeling anxious or a little down, I hope you hop on board my happy ship, and gain a new perspective for the day!)? My mind starts at about 5:30 every day, and though usually it is filled with organizing my day, mentally selecting my attire, etc., lately it seems to have been geared towards woe -is me-like thoughts- oh I'm Not listening to that in my head! Instead, I get up and take the dog out and greet the day ! Much better! Funny how the morning light can give one a fresh perspective on the day, and I'm learning that a bit of exercise ( thank you Rex) can shift my mood into one of enthusiasm and a can-do attitude!
I talked with a super sweet lady in the waiting room, just now. I struck up a conversation with her after complimenting her on the vibrancy of her tank top.  I'm in the oncology department so we all have that in common here. She had such a warmth to her and turned out our parents were similar ages, shared some "stuff" about our types and stages and have each other a bit of umpfh to make it through our treatments!  How rewarding to remember to share a kind word or two with someone else. How nice to make a new friend who is in the same boat- and this ain't no cruise ship! And yet, like when we travel we meet people and carry on sometimes meaningful conversations, it is a bit like a cruise ship. I wait to board the ship, am greeted by wonderfully enthusiastic people, am offered a selection of amenities to make my stay pleasant, "fed" more than I care to consume, and sent home with a few trinkets, and some memories! Oh I'm gonna do a selfie! Cause we gotta!

Whew, High on life now that I've written to all of you! Thanks for stopping by to listen, and Next time you are feeling anxious or a little down, I hope you hop on board my happy ship, and gain a new perspective for the day!

Sunday thoughts

My thoughts this week seem to be circling around my upcoming 2nd chemotherapy treatment.  The anticipation of a visit with the oncologist, the next round of all those anti-nausea pills, the white cell boosting shots, the waiting time in the pharmacy, all give me opportunities to plan my attitude for these uncontrollable events. The waiting IS the hardest part, so I am choosing to accept the situation again, and make the best of it. I will have some time for blogging!

I have planned a few things to talk about with the oncologist; a couple of questions to ask to help me understand how this process progresses, and if there is anything I can/should do to improve it. I also plan to give compliments on the regiment that has, for the most part, worked well for me, and perhaps offer some tips that may make it easier for the next person. The people that have taken care of me are very nurturing individuals, which makes a huge difference in this situation. Kudos to my care team!

Thanks for helping me gain a new perspective for the start of my week - just knowing I have all of you reading this to support me is something I count as a Sunday blessing.

Me and my mama- my rock whenever I need one and always willing to help me with whatever is needed. I am fortunate to have her, and all of my extended family, and especially a warm and wonderful husband to give me strength to get through anything! I am surrounded with a blanket of love for which I am thankful.
Think about someone in your life that gives you that strength, and thank them in some way.

What we need when we need it

Such a nice presentation from the nurse which included a video about chemotherapy and all the anti nausea drugs and how the chemo drugs work to eliminate all cells that are dividing, and how the cancer cells divide rapidly . I thought it was  a pretty good introduction and with the knowledge I had from looking up lots of new words online, I had some comfort. From that knowledge, I could understand how a less detailed, lessI gotta know the better, less what is this and what are my options, and less of a what is the medication I'm taking kind of person , would also know enough about the treatment plan, and be more comfortable signing the consent forms.

The nurse was excellent at explaining the greater detail that I needed, listening carefully, and giving thorough answers to me.  I was reminded of stay away from germs, period, and to instill super clean regiments in hygiene and also with foods. She had an information folder with reminders of the things we discussed and also lists of cancer connections in my area. I want to check out FREE wigs, scarves, caps, etc, too. Handy! And what a great place to donate to when my treatment time is over, though secretly I may just like getting up and grabbing a hairdo or a cute hat, and heading out the door!

So, I had my treatment, just like it was described, and I even learned that I Can give myself a shot when it comes right down to necessity. Oh and That's  what the Cather looks like, and why that area is tender. And yes after the treatment, I did pee red- just like they said I would-good hing I drank about a gallon of water today- before, during and after treatment as it is very dehydrating- like most powerful drugs, it seems.
Water, water, water! I like it!

Sometimes life changing events help us identify what we  Thought was important and learn a different way. In reality, we have what we need, when we need it. I am fortunate that I know some wonderful people, and I meet more every day!
Thanks for stopping by to learn a little bit more about my journey, and for putting a smile on my face today! I hope I just put one on your face too!

Exciting isn't it!

Today I am waiting for my first chemo treatment! So exciting, Not! I can think of a few other emotions that I am experiencing , but excitement, hmmm......... Well yes! I'm excited to get this show on the road, excited to be moving forward, and even excited for my new summertime look, hair free legs without electrolysis!
It's true that an attitude of looking for the good can make thing much easier to bear. And with some enthusiasm for each treatment, I may even be able to make some other person's day easier, more fun. Wheeeeee I just know they'll be calling my name any minute!

Planning for surgery

The oncologist put the brakes on because when the lymph nodes are involved, there could be other cancer nearby. Yep, more tests including a CT scan and a bone scan to see if it has traveled from somewhere else to the breast, or from the breast using the lymphatic system to spread. In the meantime an initial consult with the oncologist  and another with a plastic surgeon for reconstruction at the time the mastectomy is performed. So while I waited for appointment and test results, I was also planning for this now bigger procedure/surgery.
Good news, finally, that no other cancer/ suspicious spots found , so I can schedule the surgery, almost a month later. How could I help but wonder if while I wait the cancer could be spreading? Hoping not, and wanting time to pass, to get things moving. And at the same time trying to have as much "normal" as possible before that surgery date, while finalizing details to miss work, etc.
During that month I tried to exercise a Lot, to alleviate stress, and also to strengthen while I could some muscles that would soon be out of commission- I think we underestimate the overall value of exercise to clear our minds !

How to say Cancer
That big C word is in a class by itself, and each person has their own scary reaction to it. The  initial reaction to  my breast cancer diagnosis was especially devastating. I was shocked because my sister-in-law had been diagnosed a couple years ago It has been a rough ride for her, and all of us who love her, and now I had to wonder what my fate would be.
I was invited to discuss with the surgeon, all of the possible procedures, lumpectomy, mastectomy, and the reasons for each, and details of each procedure, etc. I will say that he was very thorough in his explanations, came across as a warm person who seemed to understand, and made me feel heard by answering all of my many questions. I hoped it was just the one spot and made plans with the surgeon for a lumpectomy followed by a round of radiation- side effect a less than perfect breast, but not too terribly inconvenient, good thing they found it early, etc. And, let's get it out Now!
He also suggested a bit more testing, an MRI to make sure of the precise location and to make sure there was only the one spot to remove. Good safety, I thought, very thorough and a great idea to have a better view to confirm the details. An appointment  was scheduled and I waited.
With the holidays near, I was able to quickly schedule the MRI and  I set up the surgery for December 23, because I want this over and Out. All during this time, I wondered how to tell my family, let alone friends that I have breast cancer, and don't really know much more. There is NO good time to do that, and because of all the good events happening, like thanksgiving, holiday parties, birthdays, you know- happy things, I had a harder time bringing up the topic- I mean there is No good time, and no easy way for anyone to share that news. Meanwhile I also had to think how to tell my mom that I'm probably not going to be helping out on Christmas Eve, and how do I start that conversation? Oh the turmoil I experienced, and most of all, how to tell my husband, because I hadn't let him know either.  I just wanted it to be over and done and keep things normal with cancer as my own private thing. How could  I explain that I don't wish to share this info really with anyone, because I don't really know anything? And how can I say that nicely without having the whole cancer conversation? Each person has a different experience with this disease, and mine is not exactly like your Whoever!

(Deep breath..... And exhale)

I had those emotional conversations, dealt with everyone's reactions and gained the much needed support from family that I had been lacking.  I also gathered as much information as I could from the internet. Knowledge is power!
So I now waited for the MRI appointment, then waited for the results. And all along I had this sort of secret appointment for Dec 23rd. A couple more spots found in the breast with the MRI and that sentinel lymph node looked suspicious, I was scheduled to biopsy all those and see if they too were  invasive carcinoma. The women who were involved in both biopsy procedures were amazing, offered compassion and they were great, caring individuals who did everything they could to ease my burden. They gave me some secret strength to move me forward in the process.  I waited another few days after the biopsy for the results.
Test results came back and the surgeon called me at home on the 22nd to tell me that the other tested spots in the breast were also cancer, but smaller. And the complication was that at least one lymph node was involved as it also came back as cancer. The new recommendation was a mastectomy with removal of the lymph nodes in the area where the tested one was located. Sounds appalling, but remember there is not much choice, and we had a thorough discussion about the whole process, including the ability to wait and have reconstruction at the same time. He also wanted me to consult with an oncologist to determine the new plan. Great, another wait, and that surgery date cancelled.

Insert Hug Here

 Today while I waited to have my cathetor placed/inserted in a vein near my heart in preparation for my chemotherapy. I had good conversation with the nurse who prepared me for the surgery, entered her "paperwork " , and brought me the wonderful warm blankets.  She was feeling impatient as there was a lab result lagging.  I reminded her to take a deep breath, cause everything would be alright. Some impatiently lIght venting and a call back from the lab that the results were available.
Off we went to the operating room. I felt a bit apprehensive about my expanders, but Not so much abou the port. A quick conversation about location and agreement  determined and I'm ready for a nap!   Huh, only a mild sedative?  Local anesthetic initiated, pressure applied, a deep breath to Hold, another pressure applied( like are ya trying to crack my chest) and  a plastic covering applied to the site.   All that action and I am awake having conversation that I was told I may not remember, super nice nurse that provided "happy place"  conversation about old bands and teenage icons.  All while taking care of me through the procedure. The operating room nurse shared a "preview" of  my reconstruction as she was also a member of the BCMR (breast cancer, mastectomy, reconstruction) survivor list. And on the way out of the operating room the  primary nurse was smiling and happy to report that she was back on schedule !  She wheeled me to a recovery spot to redress , with my caring husband there to greet me.
As I was leaving I just had to give her a hug!
I also took time to thank her for making this part of my journey pleasant.
Did someone make your day easier?  I'd love to hear about it!

Coffee together

This morning my word is coffee! I had a few minutes to wait for the coffee to brew early this  morning, and now I am waiting for  someone to enter my name, etc into the St Joseph  computer system. In our age of technology, one might assume the "systems" housed in the same building would" talk" to one another.  But then again I have neighbors whom I have not connected with either. So as I wait, I am thinking of how this blog may help me to connect with those around me, in some way to share a bit of me with you.  Maybe you will feel comfortable here too, and leave a note about you. Let's have coffee!

Little things we do for another

My word for yesterday was helpful. I had shopped in Joann's and was using my coupons at the register when the sales associate suggests I may have additional coupons to use, reminding me of other vendors that regularly send via txt or email, allowing me to save even more on my purchase. Very Helpful!  Then she pointed out the survey at the bottom of the receipt, for an additional 50% off coupon- wow! I nearly floated to the car with the uplifting feeling and generous gratitude that I hope I expressed to her. I hope I can bring a bit of that feeling to you as I have just had another dose by talking about it!